What I should be writing is a weekly account of my adventures in hopes that future classes, if they wish, can benefit from my experiences. And I will, I think. I took notes to make that possible. But as I've stated before, this blog exists primarily so that I can get my own head straight. Right now, I want to talk about big picture stuff.
Clarion West is over. I'm done. I survived. I wrote six stories. I read and critiqued the endless stream of brilliant words my classmates chose to share with me. Said classmates were excellent. A group of talented, funny, and very different individuals. Some wrote the sort of stuff I love to read. Others wrote stuff I never would have read on my own but which I was glad for the opportunity to experience. They were, in the end, my best teachers. I hope I was of some small use to them as well.
So, have I changed? Am I this stronger, faster, smarter version of my weak, slow and dumb pre-Clarion West self? Well, no. Of course not. Clarion West is not magic. It is, in fact, a very intense writing workshop. It changes you in the ways that very intense writing workshops change you. But yes. I've changed. In some ways I recognize and in others I think it will take me time to understand.
I am more optimistic and more driven about my writing than I was before CW. This is the biggest and most valuable change for me. It isn't enough, anymore, for me to write my stories and fiddle with my novel and occasionally, every six months or so, send something out to be rejected. I want more than that. I want to sell my book. I want to sell stories. I want to get rejections, as many as needed, so that people will look up and see me and notice what I'm doing and what I have to say.
This may seem insignificant to anyone who doesn't know me but let me assure you, optimism is not my mode. Hope is not something I do. Try is not a word in my vocabulary. Give up ahead of time is more my style. But I am going to change that, I'm going to make an effort and I'm going to push myself and it's going to be terrifying and people will probably hate me but I don't care. I have to do this. It's important.
As for the sort of changes future applicants are actually interested in, yes, I am a better writer after CW. Not in a huge way. Not necessarily in a way that would allow someone to look at a pre-CW piece and tell it from a post-CW piece, though I could. It's changed how I think about writing. Maybe it's allowed me to think about writing. There were things we discussed that I understood intuitively but which, once explained, I could consciously apply and check for in my stories. And there were things discussed that I never really thought about. My mind is now full of lovely writing metaphors that no one but myself and my classmates will ever understand.
Would I recommend it? Yes, with qualifications. Yes, if you can take that sort of pressure. Yes, if you are open to learning from writers who are at your level or only just above you in skill (your classmates are your main teachers). Yes, if you can be humble. Yes, if you can accept that there will be people in your class you disagree with, every week. Yes, if you can accept that not everyone is good at giving criticism gently and your feelings will get hurt. Yes, if you understand that CW is not magic, it is only very focused. Yes, if you have a sense of humor.
I will write about the individual weeks, soon. But it won't be particularly valuable. Clarion West is about the people, and I don't intend to blog about my classmates. Those experiences are ours and I don't feel comfortable giving them away. It was laughter and giddy excitement and self-doubt and tears. I made friends and I hope a few of those friendships will last. I am grateful for the opportunity.
